thủ thuật cá độ bóng đá_nhà cái happyluke_bí quyết để thắng baccarat

2013 June 12

And sometimes, it just gets weird.

Jedi Needed To Induce Labor


I am nearing towards my due date and I am miserable. My child is about 9 lbs now and I still have 2 weeks to go.

I was hoping that tonight’s full moon will do the trick, but this child is as snug as a bug in my uterus.

I’m looking for someone who possesses Jedi powers to use their mind tricks on my child to convince him to come early. The sooner the better.

If you are a master in the way’s of the Jedi please help me deliver this child! Many thanks and may the force be with you!

… I got nothin’.

Thanks, Heff!

42 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 June 12

    Sometimes, we are grateful there were no photos with the ad. This is one of those times.

    Adores: 9
    • 2013 June 12
      nojazzhere permalink

      “I’m looking for someone who possesses Jedi powers to use their mind tricks on my child to convince him to come early. The sooner the better.”….Be careful what you wish for…ever see “Alien”?????

      Adores: 5
  2. 2013 June 12
    Ralph permalink

    “Do or do not. There is no try.”

    Adores: 11
    • 2013 June 12
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      That’s pretty much the mantra for everything pregnancy-related, isn’t it?

      Adores: 4
  3. 2013 June 12
    subbie_333 permalink

    Feel sorry for this child, for its mother will be using Jedi mind tricks for parenting skills.

    Adores: 1
    • 2013 June 12
      One Moving Violation permalink

      You love brussel sprouts
      I love brussel sprouts.
      You want to eat a whole plateful
      I want to eat a whole plateful.
      You don’t like chocolate cake
      Get real mom!

      Adores: 6
  4. 2013 June 12
    Lou Stool permalink

    *Waves his hand* This is not the uterus you’re looking for.

    Adores: 8
  5. 2013 June 12

    This isn’t the uterus you’re looking for. Move along.

    Adores: 3
  6. 2013 June 12
    Lou Stool permalink

    I know of a great way to induce labour using Jedi powers. All I need is my trusty “lightsabre”.

    Adores: 1
  7. 2013 June 12
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Everyone knows one tried and true method to bring on labor does involve the use of a light saber. Like grandma always said, do it the old fashioned way!

    I’ll be over in the corner if anyone needs me.

    Adores: 3
  8. 2013 June 12

    True Story*…

    Baby #4 was born after a night at the Mos Eisley, drinking Colt 45s with Han, Chewie, and Guido (poor Guido…never saw it coming).

    I suggest, babymama, you try it.

    Or, you could..you know wait until the appropriate time, like the other 99.9%** of the women in the world do.

    *may not be ‘entirely’ true
    **an utterly bogus statistic, made up on the spot

    Adores: 8
    • 2013 June 12
      Silky permalink

      Dude, that baby’s already nine pounds. I’d be getting antsy too.

      Adores: 2
      • 2013 June 12

        *True Story – my baby #3 weighed 10lbs, 4 oz.

        *yep, this is true

        Adores: 6
        • 2013 June 12
          Silky permalink

          O.O

          Adores: 2
        • 2013 June 12

          Bridgete weighed 8 lbs. 15 oz. She was late too. 10 days late. Stubborn from the beginning.

          Adores: 4
        • 2013 June 12
          One Moving Violation permalink

          I don’t remember how much I weighed, but I was 22″ long. My mother was under 5′ tall. I paralized her when I was born. She got better. I think that was my first moving violation.
          She told me I kicked her alot too. Left bruises. But in my defense, there wasn’t much room in there.
          I also went flying that day, but my mother wouldn’t go with me. She was afraid to fly.

          This is all true.

          Adores: 6
        • 2013 June 13
          Kaziganthi permalink

          Pshaw!
          The Russian wrestler Aleksandr Karelin was born as a 6.8 kg (15 lb) baby.

          Adores: 0
      • 2013 June 12
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        Two words for you: Lightsaber C-section.

        Adores: 1
        • 2013 June 12
          One Moving Violation permalink

          The C-section is where you find the comics, right before the obituaries.
          Thus the saying- “A funny thing happened on the way to the Mortuary…”

          Heh, heh, Life, it’s what’s for breakfast.

          Adores: 9
        • 2013 June 12
          mudslicker permalink

          *recalling scene from Prometheus*

          Sometimes what’s in should stay in.

          Note: Four stanza’s beginning with “I.” Coincidence? I think not.

          Adores: 0
  9. 2013 June 12
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    Contractions, placenta… a Jedi craves not these things.

    Adores: 4
  10. 2013 June 12
    Cindy B permalink

    It’s a trap!

    Adores: 5
  11. 2013 June 12
    Brer Fox permalink

    Jedi Needed To Induce Labor

    I am nearing towards my due date and I am miserable. My child is about 9 lbs now and I still have 2 weeks to go.

    There are laws against child labor. There are no laws concerning infants and labor. Go figure. Maybe congress needs to pass more laws.

    Adores: 1
  12. 2013 June 12
    tigprincess permalink

    Try the hottest curry you can find – EAT it Sparkii, EAT it !!

    Adores: 1
  13. 2013 June 12
    Windrose permalink

    Totally off-topic. Got a work email a short time ago. The stated purpose was to clarify the confusion caused by the previous clarification. No, really. That’s probably not the end of it. Stay tuned!

    Adores: 2
    • 2013 June 12
      nojazzhere permalink

      Well, Windy, did it clarify the confusion? Or did the latest clarification create more confusion than the previous clarification which purported to clarify confusion previously created? So which came first, the confusion or the clarification?……(I think my head hurts) This is why I try not to open work e-mail. I just browse YSaC.

      Adores: 5
      • 2013 June 12
        nojazzhere permalink

        Oh!…. I mean,uh, you know,..I teach!.. yeah, that’s right, teach. Disregard that other thing….

        Adores: 5
      • 2013 June 12
        Windrose permalink

        Uh-huh. Noted. You teach. Too soon to tell about the alleged confusion which was clarified in the confusion memo.

        Adores: 2
  14. 2013 June 12
    Brer Fox permalink

    snug as a bug in my uterus.
    Some bugs can live anywhere.

    Adores: 2
  15. 2013 June 12

    We always just took the impatient mother-to-be down a bumpy road in a truck with no suspension. Works every time.

    I had no idea that was Jedi stuff!

    Adores: 2
    • 2013 June 12
      Eccentric Lady permalink

      I knew of an expectant mother who got the privilege of being in the co-pilot’s seat of a fighter with bad hydraulics that was taxied back and forth on the airfield to help induce labor – very unofficial Air Force Reserve method perk. LOL

      Adores: 3
  16. 2013 June 12
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Gluing this in the baby book will be I.

    p+Ctrl+ alt

    Adores: 1
  17. 2013 June 12
    LonePaladin permalink

    “Get clear, Wedge. You can’t do any more good back there!”

    Adores: 2
  18. 2013 June 12
    subbie_333 permalink

    People who will not be answering this CL:

    – Prissy from “Gone With The Wind”
    – me
    – Darth Vader (already has too many children)
    – Captain Kirk

    People likely to answer this CL:
    – all of the Republican Senators
    – bad magicians
    – Gary Busey
    – the Verizon “can you hear me now” guy

    Adores: 3
  19. 2013 June 13

    Thank you, Powers That Bee, for bringing Ralph and One into our fold, spin, and snarlulate. Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Mace Windy!

    Adores: 0

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.