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2013 November 8

This sturdy wooden dresser has a big mirror (not shown) and 9 drawers that are covered with fabric. They have two-tone beige-grey faux fur. It’s staple-gunned on, so you could easily remove it to change it to your preferred fabric. The layer under the fur is black Jedi fabric, and before that, the drawers were Peter Rabbit.

It’s on the curb and supposed to rain Monday, so if you could get it today, that’d be great!

Please include your cell number for texting purposes if you’re interested or have questions.

There is nothing technically wrong with this ad. I just want to know — how many Wookiees died so that Sparky could upholster their dresser? The progression from Peter Rabbit to Return of the Jedi to Wookiee massacre is clear; did no one see the warning signs? Won’t someone think of the Wookiees?

Thanks, Suzi!

45 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 November 8

    The Force is strong in this dresser.

    Probably in the middle drawer, I’d wager.

    Adores: 10
    • 2013 November 8
      nojazzhere permalink

      This is not the dresser you are looking for…..move along.

      (with apologies to real Star Wars fans…of whom I am none)

      Adores: 9
      • 2013 November 8

        It’s not?

        Dang. Now where an I supposed to look for a Force-sensitive dresser?

        (“This is not the drawer your socks go in.”
        “This is not the drawer my socks go in.”)

        Adores: 8
        • 2013 November 8
          CapnMac permalink

          Perhaps peril-sensing tomatoes were stored within this, er, artifact, and that is why it’s being left by the curb in the rain–seeing as how tomato pureĆ© and fur are less well-matched and all.

          Adores: 1
  2. 2013 November 8

    Peter Rabbit is a gateway to furryism. Peter Rabbit: Not even once!

    Adores: 7
  3. 2013 November 8

    The Wookiee homeworld is spelled “Kashyyyk”, with three Ys. As in, “Why, Why, Why?!”

    Adores: 5
  4. 2013 November 8
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Finally! The perfect accessory to complete my evil den of doom! It’s going to go perfectly with my goat sofa ( see: /70f/?p=7941)

    I’ve already claimed Peter Rabbit’s soul, watch out Dora, you’re next. Sponge Bob is saving you a seat.

    Adores: 5
  5. 2013 November 8
    ArtsyComputerGeek permalink

    My initial urge was to call Animal Control. I thought something has escaped from somewhere.

    Adores: 7
  6. 2013 November 8
    camille permalink

    This will look so great with my bedazzled deer hooves coat rack!

    Adores: 8
  7. 2013 November 8

    Just in case this ISN’T wookie fur, I hope someone picked it up before the rain started, and didn’t feed it after midnight.

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 November 8
      Kaziganthi permalink

      I was thinking it was Ewok fur, Wookie fur tends to be longer.

      Adores: 1
  8. 2013 November 8
    CapnMac permalink

    It’s spelled “wookie faux fur dresser,” but it’s pronounced “tart’s boudoir.”*

    Spark’ has failed to mention if this, ahem, item, has had its shots, been dipped for fleas and cow ticks, etc.

    ___________________________________
    *BBC had a fascinating show, “Changing Rooms” where neighbors were given access to high-end designers, and told the neighbor’s opinions on how the room ought look. This occasionally was received less well by the neighbors. In one case, the neighbor objected, by way of barrister, to the BBC, using the phrase “[L]ooks like a tart’s bedroom…” in the filing. The Beeb paid to have the room redecorated entire, to specific client wishes.

    Adores: 3
    • 2013 November 8
      Ralph permalink

      On eBay, it’s spelled “Fux Fur.”

      Adores: 3
      • 2013 November 8
        MissMommyNiceNice permalink

        Shhhh! Don’t tell Brer! He’s sensitive to those things!

        Adores: 1
        • 2013 November 8
          Brer Fox permalink

          Fee For Faux Fux Fox Fur! I feel the drawers of a Peter Rabbit!

          Now cut that out! Nobody said anything about feeling a Rabbit Peter!

          Adores: 5
        • 2013 November 8
          CapnMac permalink

          Fox four corner.

          Adores: 3
  9. 2013 November 8

    *clears throat*
    “Someone left this…thing…out in the rain.
    And I don’t think I’m going to take it
    Cause I don’t know why they’d make it
    And I never can unsee it again!!!! OH NO!!!”
    No?
    *tapping microphone* Is this thing on?
    “This is what happens when you try to make your own wardrobe to Narnia. ”

    That’s it…I got nothin’

    Adores: 13
  10. 2013 November 8
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Another example of why Highland cattle is better when it’s allowed to roam free.

    Adores: 1
  11. 2013 November 8
    Brer Fox permalink

    You know, if that documentary I was in, “Behind The Fur” was about furniture, I would still have my dignity.

    Adores: 3
    • 2013 November 8
      Brer Fox permalink

      Okay, so after I made this comment, I googled “Documentary Behind the fur” and there is one.
      I didn’t do it and now my dignity won’t even answer my calls. My life is so furreal.

      Adores: 10
  12. 2013 November 8
    One Moving Violation permalink

    I think that center drawer is where they keep all of the toys for Wookie Nookie.
    Unless they are into midgets, then we’re talking props for the Ewoks’ Box and [Roosters].

    Adores: 1
    • 2013 November 8
      Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

      That reminds me, I need to get me some

      Adores: 1
      • 2013 November 8
        Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

        PICKLES! I need to get me some [censored] pickles. You know, the little ones.

        Adores: 3
  13. 2013 November 8
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Sorry fellas, I can’t make it to The Lounge today. I have to help my girlfriend shave her drawers. Then she wants me to dresser. She thinks it will strengthen our relationship.

    Adores: 14
  14. 2013 November 8
    CapnMac permalink

    Rather oddly specific that the pelt-er-fux-er-whatever was/is “staple gunned” on.

    Not all staple “guns” being the same. My old Bostitch 16ga would happily drive 1″wide crown roofing staple 1-1/2″ through asphalt shingles.

    Which is a different sort of thing than using an upholstery stapler, or, as I suspect, that silvery doo-dad from the office supply store better known as a hand stapler.

    Those 1/2″ crown 1/4″ stationary staples would be a tad easier to remove, should a person be inclined to follow Spark’s idea of skinning the dresser (what sort of attire one makes from nine ragged fux pelts each with a hole from a drawer-pull a question probably best left aside).

    Adores: 1
  15. 2013 November 8
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    you could easily remove it to change it to your preferred fabric.

    That’s like saying “What do you want on your pizza, dog poop or cat poop?”

    Adores: 2
    • 2013 November 8
      bratty innocence permalink

      “Dog poop, please….”…er, or was that a rhetorical question?

      Adores: 4
  16. 2013 November 8
    mudslicker permalink

    I really think this one is a TRAP!

    Adores: 3
  17. 2013 November 8
    Irregular Fractal web casino truc tuyenpermalink

    I suggest a new strategy: let the dresser win.

    Adores: 8
  18. 2013 November 8

    YSaC Lounge: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 November 8
      One Moving Violation permalink

      You will never find a more wretched hive of fur and perversity.

      There, fixed it for you.

      Adores: 5
  19. 2013 November 8
    P-Rex permalink

    So when you brush or comb your dresser, which side of the knobs do you put the part?

    Adores: 5
  20. 2013 November 8
    P-Rex permalink

    This person must have got that bear paint and used the brown gals and we will probably see an ad soon for white gals.

    Adores: 1
  21. 2013 November 8
    Katimomkat permalink

    Yikes! There may be nothing technically wrong with this ad, but there’s a whole lot wrong with that dresser! I’d be afraid to bring that thing into my house…it is so furry it probably has fleas.

    Adores: 3
    • 2013 November 8
      MissMommyNiceNice permalink

      With a side of bed bugs, chlamydia, and staph.

      Adores: 2
    • 2013 November 9
      zero.nada.none. permalink

      I’m surprised no one has asked if there are matching drapes….

      Adores: 6
  22. 2013 November 14
    RubyAesthetic permalink

    Is it just me? or is that Princess Leia doing reflectoporn in the dead wookie buttons in the middle picture? I can’t unsee that. “Dead Wookie Buttons” there’s a band name for someone ??

    Adores: 1

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