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2013 November 18

$400 Female to share 1bdr condo with mature male

Mature male seeking female to share 1bdr condo. Have 2 cats, birds – Utilize full use of condo-twin beds – Must be open minded, platonic living arrangements. Fully furnished. Seeking companionship more than a roomate. Heading into retirement.

There’s really only one thing that bothers me here: He mentions having cats and birds. He says nothing about beagles. Meaning the dogs in picture two are stuffed. So he’s got Fido and Rover preserved in the den. That’s a little creepy.

Everything else seems perfectly normal to me – who’s ready to move right in?

Thanks for the link, Jen!

44 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 November 18
    CapnMac permalink

    “$400 Female”? C’mon, Spark’ at least go for OBO, you do not want to miss out on that $415 chika-chicka-bow-wow . . .

    Not real sure just what dimensions a “condo-twin” bed might have. Given that only one bed is shown in the photos the possibility that con-dominion use of the bed is meant is frightening. Given the decor, equally frightening is the possibility that “condor bed” was actually meant, too.

    Adores: 5
    • 2013 November 18
      Bombdude permalink

      Utilize full use of condo-twin beds – Must be open minded

      Hopefully the call “Free Willie!” is never heard…

      Adores: 5
  2. 2013 November 18
    tigprincess permalink

    I’d like to apply please.

    There are three immediate questions I have, (1) why does every photo have the tag ‘jungle’, (2) do you supply sunglasses? and (3) can you confirm that the phrase ‘heading into retirement’ is not a euphemism for ‘you will never be sen again by any of your friends and loved ones once you’ve ulitized full use of condo twin beds’?

    Many thanks for your kind consideration of my application which I’m sure will be one of many*

    * this may or may not be true

    Sincerely yours

    Adores: 7
  3. 2013 November 18

    Who did the interior design of this condo? Aslan?

    Adores: 13
  4. 2013 November 18

    Here are my questions before I sign on the dotted euphemism.

    1. Are your kidneys in good working order?
    2. Does your refrigerator have an ice maker?
    3. How much is your pension from retirement going to be?


    Widow Black

    Adores: 18
    • 2013 November 19

      Oh, thanks! You’re going to make me put myself in the box today. And I have stuff to do! At least I can redecorate while I’m in there. Now, this dolphin will look terrible over the bar, and this stuffed dog will give the fireplace a mildly creepy tone.

      Adores: 2
  5. 2013 November 18

    SC and ghostie, do forgive me for leaving you in the box over the weekend. It seemed the thing to do at the time. So does this. Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, HomeFinders!

    Adores: 3
  6. 2013 November 18

    Walking through forests of palm tree apartments —
    Scoff at the monkeys who live in their dark tents
    Down with their stuffed beagles — drunk every Friday —
    In their twin beds — saving their dinettes for Sunday.
    Lions and eagles adorn the wallpaper —
    So come to my condo and join in the caper.

    Let’s bungle in the jungle — well, that’s all right by me.
    I’m a lion when I want love,
    But I’m a deer if we disagree.

    Adores: 9
  7. 2013 November 18

    Dearest King of the Beasts Wannabe,

    I am laughing at you.

    Hugs and Sharp Teeth,

    Hy Eena

    Adores: 6
  8. 2013 November 18
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    David Attenborough voice over:
    And here we see the middle aged creepster in his native environment. Surrounded by huge fatheads of majestic animals in what we are assured is a condo, although this is generally a euphemism for “my mother’s basement.” He is in desperate search of a life mate to enjoy the feeling of the great outdoors without ever actually leaving ones “condo”.

    Jacque Cousteau voice over:
    Vaht hash dees animal done to zee dolphins!

    Adores: 10
    • 2013 November 18
      Silky permalink

      That sounds more like Jacques Cousteau’s German cousin, Jann Koustol.

      Adores: 4
      • 2013 November 18
        MissMommyNiceNice permalink

        Well, in my head it sounds pretty French! You have to pinch your nose to get the accent.

        Adores: 1
    • 2013 November 19
      Kaziganthi permalink

      Definitely not mothers basement, rather this is clearly creepy cabin in the deep and dark woods. Actually looks rather like several cabins scattered throughout Alaska.

      Adores: 3
  9. 2013 November 18
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Another sad case of dolphin erotica gone terribly awry

    Adores: 2
  10. 2013 November 18

    At least Pee-Wee finally redecorated his playhouse. All those puppets and talking furniture were just plain creepy. Makes it hard to have women over.

    Adores: 5
  11. 2013 November 18

    Which came first – running out of flat surfaces to plaster with images of wildlife or running out of pictures of wildlife to plaster on flat surfaces?

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 November 18

      I choose a third option:

      Running out of condo to adorn with mildly creepy decorations.

      Adores: 7
      • 2013 November 19
        Katimomkat permalink

        Running out of condo to adorn with mildly creepy decorations

        Mildly creepy?

        Adores: 3
  12. 2013 November 18

    Heading into retirement? Looking for “companionship,” with a twin bed, AND asking for $400?

    Jeez, and they say Millenials are entitled.

    Adores: 7
  13. 2013 November 18
    Meg permalink

    Lions and dolphins and deer. Oh my.

    Adores: 4
  14. 2013 November 18
    One Moving Violation permalink

    $400 Female to share 1bdr condo with mature male

    You know, if you splurged, you might get a bionic female.

    Adores: 2
  15. 2013 November 18
    P-Rex permalink

    Do you think this guy’s condo has a specific porpoise?
    Do you think lion might be a means to an end?

    Adores: 4
  16. 2013 November 18
    Ralph permalink

    A mature male of what species?

    My condolences on the condemnable condition of the condo.

    Adores: 1
  17. 2013 November 19
    Katimomkat permalink

    Were those tigers in the last picture?

    Adores: 2

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