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2014 February 21

strong people needed


seeking strong person to carry athlete up 3 flights of stairs for the next 2 weeks. will need to meet me at apartment once a day to carry me up stairs to keep me from exhaustion while training. small compensation will be given. but you will feel really good about yourself.

Presumably this is some new definition of “athlete,” with which I was previously unacquainted. While I’m sure dragging Sparky here up and down the stairs is probably pretty good exercise, I SERIOUSLY doubt enabling them will make me feel good about myself.

Thanks for sending this, Buff!

48 Responses leave one →
  1. 2014 February 21
    CapnMac permalink

    Uh, you dint say nuttin ’bout no carpet ‘n’ margarine . . .

    Adores: 7
  2. 2014 February 21
    meeshybee permalink

    That word… I do not think it means what you think it means.

    Adores: 5
  3. 2014 February 21
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    This seems oddly specific. I am not even sure what to think. Maybe more coffee will help my brain.

    Adores: 3
    • 2014 February 21
      nojazzhere permalink

      STRONG PEOPLE NEEDED
      _____________________________

      I’m in training for the Boston Marathon, and I need some strong people to push me around town in a wheelbarrow so I can become familiar with the route and to keep me from exhaustion while training. It may be small compensation, but you WILL feel really good about yourself. (trust me, you will)

      Adores: 11
      • 2014 February 21
        MissMommyNiceNice permalink

        I think a wheelbarrow Boston Marathon would be the MOST AWESOME THING EVEY! Sign me up! You’re pushing, right, Jazzy?

        Adores: 4
        • 2014 February 21
          Windrose permalink

          I think he already did his time for pushing, and has reformed. Or did I dream it?

          Adores: 3
        • 2014 February 21
          nojazzhere permalink

          you know, Windy, that definition of “pushing” never occurred to me until you mentioned it…
          Maybe I need to quit hangin’ with this rough crowd.

          Adores: 4
  4. 2014 February 21
    Ralph permalink

    — bump, bump, bump —

    Adores: 11
  5. 2014 February 21

    I think I went to school with one of Sparky’s relatives, a gifted science student who routinely wanted me to help him with his physics homework.

    Adores: 4
  6. 2014 February 21

    Let me guess… This is actually Justin Bieber, and this is a repeat of his Great Wall of China incident.

    (P.S. I am deeply ashamed and embarrassed that I know anything about Justin Bieber.)

    Adores: 6
    • 2014 February 21

      TC, as your previous letter-C counterpart, I am sympathetic to your pain.

      Have some coffee slices, they’ll make you feel better.

      Adores: 3
  7. 2014 February 21
    Ralph permalink

    Some people just avoid stairs.

    Adores: 2
    • 2014 February 21
      SilvaNoir permalink

      I was expecting a dalek, but that’s good too.

      Adores: 3
      • 2014 February 21

        Daleks are just cheaters, man. Just once, I’d like to find a way to stop the thing from following me that won’t make me look like an idiot when it doesn’t work!

        Adores: 3
        • 2014 February 21
          SilvaNoir permalink

          Tell them they’re the new janitor and point them to a toilet that their little plunger arm can unclog?

          Adores: 2
        • 2014 February 21

          I said WON’T make me look like an idiot, Silva!

          Adores: 1
  8. 2014 February 21

    But Sparky! You already have a pair of strong helpers to carry you up the stairs!

    They’re called YOUR LEGS.

    Adores: 5
    • 2014 February 21
      SilvaNoir permalink

      A great way to train, build muscle, and lose weight is… to run up stairs. If sparkster is so worried about becoming exhausted, maybe he should cut down his time at the gym (or time running, or whatever it is he does) and use that energy to get home.

      Adores: 6
      • 2014 February 21

        I mean, clearly, he lives a few floors up, so it’d be good for him to get a headstart now.

        Adores: 2
  9. 2014 February 21

    Ooh, I know! We need to get a giant slingshot for the asked strong helpers to fire Sparky up the stairs with!

    What? Collateral damage? Pfft! You act like he’s gonna bash his skull through the ceiling!

    Adores: 3
  10. 2014 February 21
    Windrose permalink

    I . . .don’t. Understand. Your ad. Can’t you. Use. A stunt. Double?

    Adores: 1
    • 2014 February 21

      Uh oh, guys, Windy’s gone all Shatner on us again. Somebody get the leaf blower and a tennis ball.

      Adores: 5
  11. 2014 February 21
    HamCan permalink

    Trebuchet!

    Adores: 11
    • 2014 February 21
      MissMommyNiceNice permalink

      Hammy! Cheers!

      Adores: 2
    • 2014 February 21

      The aye’s have it, we’re building a trebuchet.

      Now, I need a pair of strong helpers to help me carry the materials to the build site so that I won’t get so exhausted in the process.

      Adores: 6
      • 2014 February 21
        MissMommyNiceNice permalink

        I know just the redneck! Personal friends with Fat Jimmy of Punkin’ Chunkin’ fame!

        Adores: 2
        • 2014 February 21

          If that’s true, I say you should win the comment section this week by default.

          Adores: 3
        • 2014 February 21
          MissMommyNiceNice permalink

          It is true! And he’s the sweetest dirty old biker you could ever meet! He still plays Santa every year at my husband’s work even though he hasn’t worked there in like 5 years!

          Adores: 2
        • 2014 February 21
          MissMommyNiceNice permalink

          Although he will pat momma’s rear end when you sit on his lap ??

          Adores: 2
        • 2014 February 21

          Well, color me legitimately shocked.

          And hey, some things you just can’t help when playing Santa, you know?

          Adores: 3
        • 2014 February 21
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          I used to live in that neck of the woods and can attest – a nicer bunch of rednecks you’ll never encounter.

          Adores: 3
  12. 2014 February 21
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    Also needed: brow mopper, shoe tier, sweat band adjuster, and wedgie picker. And if you could give me a lift to the gym as well, that would be great.

    Adores: 6
  13. 2014 February 22

    So, C””J and camille, you’ve been together in the box for a week. Give or take. I hope you are prepared for this. PUNCHITY PUNCH PUNCH!

    Good Morning, Your Honor, and Members of the Jury.

    Adores: 1

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