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2014 April 18

Free Bench Seat out of 1977 Ford F-250


I know it looks gross but with an attempt at cleaning and a seat cover, it’ll work. I’m sure it would work great next summer in the back of your truck, or even now during hunting season in that regular cab pickup. Its been sitting outside in the crappy weather the past few days. You can’t be too picky for free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, did Sparky here mean that it’s not possible to be too picky for free, or that you shouldn’t be too picky for free? The choice presents an interesting semantic contrast, which I shall consider while I nuke this abomination from orbit.

(Thanks David!)

21 Responses leave one →
  1. 2014 April 18
    CapnMac permalink

    Sparky is quite correct, I charge for almost every service, including being picky. So, here’s my invoice for $200

    Adores: 7
  2. 2014 April 18

    If I’m saving you the bother of hauling that thing to the county dump, plus the gate fee, then I most certainly can be too picky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I used one more exclamation point than you did. I win.

    Adores: 6
  3. 2014 April 18
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Do you like lice? Need a home for your free range gerberts? Have a trailer in the woods and need a place for beveraging on the ramshackle porch? Want to throw the little Sparkies haphazardly in the back of your rusty pickup? Well, do I have the free seat for you! Stupid inquiries only. No spam. Please respond with the subject line “ain’t too picky” and include the time you can come so I can cage the hounds and put the safety back on the sawed off. Thanks for looking.

    Adores: 10
    • 2014 April 18
      camille permalink

      Dear Sparky:

      I need a portable sofa to transport my snakes from Point A to [location]. My snakes are very picky. Will they be able to burrow comfortably into this seat?

      Best Regards,
      Camille

      Adores: 4
      • 2014 April 18
        MissMommyNiceNice permalink

        So sorry! Did I forget to mention this free seat comes with a free nest of black rat snakes?

        Adores: 2
      • 2014 April 18
        Ralph permalink

        Did the 3 sided dog from the last posting chew on this seat?

        Camille: I have similar seat in a 1986 F-250 plow truck that you can have. It is also falling apart under the driver’s ass, and smells of mouse piss. Your snakes would love it.

        The truck is defunct since the engine caught fire in December, and I’ve been waiting for the snow to melt to have it hauled away. If you don’t want the seat, maybe I should offer the mice on craigslist. You catchem, you keepem.

        Adores: 4
        • 2014 April 18
          MissMommyNiceNice permalink

          I also forgot to mention that my hound cage only has 3 sides, hope you can run fast!!!!!!!!!!’

          Adores: 1
        • 2014 April 18
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Ralph, does that mean instead of a regular cab pickup, you have an extra crispy cab pickup?

          Is the engine compartment grilled? That has become popular lately.

          Adores: 4
        • 2014 April 18
          SilvaNoir permalink

          Ralph, that plow seat would go well with my dad’s snowmobile, which has been engulfed under grapevines in a corner of his yard since the late 1980s. It has its own set of mice.

          Adores: 1
    • 2014 April 18
      MissMommyNiceNice permalink

      True story – autocorrect changed serious to stupid. Thanks, lazy fingers!

      Adores: 0
  4. 2014 April 18

    I really, *really* hope all those wet spots are from the “crappy weather” and not from… something else that I won’t even mention because ICK!

    Adores: 2
  5. 2014 April 18
    One Moving Violation permalink

    I know it looks gross but with an attempt at cleaning and a seat cover, it’ll work.

    If you just attempt to clean it, that doesn’t make it clean. So that doesn’t work. Putting a seat cover over it doesn’t make it clean. If the seat is uncovered, you can see the gross and say, “Ewwww! I’m not sitting on that!” But if it’s covered, you might sit on it, then the gross will seep through the cover. Then you won’t know the gross is on you. Then, when you walk down the street, people will point at your backside and say, “Ewwww!”
    So what Sparky needs to do is take his weed burner to it. That way he can spew gross into the atmosphere and then put an ad on craigslist saying he has a seat frame out of a 1977 F-250.

    Adores: 3
  6. 2014 April 18
    Windrose permalink

    The best things in life are free! No wonder life sucks. Sometimes.

    Adores: 2
  7. 2014 April 18
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    Look at that Sparky, that’s the way you do it,
    You put a photo up for all to see,
    That ain’t nothin’ anyone would covet,
    Can’t be too picky, and the seat’s for free

    Adores: 7
    • 2014 April 18
      nojazzhere permalink

      (in shrill, high-pitched Sting voice)…..

      I want my….I want my…I want my crappy seat…
      I want my….I want my…I want my crappy seat…

      Adores: 6
  8. 2014 April 19
    One Moving Violation permalink

    The stains look really crappy on my seat.
    The stains look really crappy on my seat.
    The weather made it crappy.
    If you take it I’ll be happy.
    Yes, the stains look really crappy on my seat.

    You can cover up the stains upon my seat.
    You can cover up the stains upon my seat.
    You can cover up the stains.
    Attempt to clean them with some Gain.
    Yes, you can cover up the stains upon my seat.

    Adores: 0
  9. 2014 April 19
    One Moving Violation permalink

    I won’t touch your seat
    The weather makes it too gross.
    I am too picky.

    Adores: 1
  10. 2014 April 19
    One Moving Violation permalink

    There once was a seat in the grass.
    Was free but I just let it pass.
    There were stains from the weather,
    and stains from whatever.
    I’m just too picky, my ass!

    Adores: 1

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