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2014 June 17

5 foot maroon love seat willing to listen to offers – $125 (Lincoln)

There’s some text with this one, but it’s not important. This is a 5 foot maroon love seat willing to listen to offers, folks — do you realize how rarely 5 foot maroon love seats are willing to entertain offers? Usually they just hang out and insist that you go see the movie THEY want to see, just like last weekend when they asked what you wanted to do and you said that you really wanted to go see “The Fault in Our Stars” and the 5 foot maroon love seat didn’t respond at all and then about five minutes later said, “Let’s go see the X-Men movie.” Or the time you tried to get it to realize that its flirting really upset you, and it promised it would take your feelings into account, only for you to find it at the bar hanging out with that ottoman from down the street. Or the time you tried to get the 5 foot maroon love seat to stop invading the Ukraine, and it said it was totally listening to you and it wasn’t building up its military forces on the border, but it actually was anyway and then went ahead and invaded even though you asked it very nicely not to.

So this 5 foot maroon love seat is different, see?

Thanks, Amy!

32 Responses leave one →
  1. 2014 June 17
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Wow, a purple love seat. What kind of idiot would want a purple love seat?

    Uh, One? I think that’s maroon.

    Oh. Wow, a purple love seat. What kind of maroon would want a purple love seat?

    Adores: 19
  2. 2014 June 17

    Wait, this is Tuesday, right?

    Did I wake up on Wednesday?

    Did I miss Tuesday?????????

    WTF are these strange little holes in my belly?

    And, why am I standing outside in my jammies?

    Guys?

    Guys??

    GUYS???????!!!

    Adores: 21
    • 2014 June 17

      Well, Sunday was Monday this week, so, yeah, Tuesday is the New Wednesday.

      (Shhh! The Llama-nun is having a senior moment! Try not to notice.)

      Adores: 7
      • 2014 June 17

        Yes, well all well and good, but I SEEM TO BE MISSING A KIDNEY!!!

        Adores: 10
        • 2014 June 17
          One Moving Violation permalink

          And all they left you were the stones!

          Stones! Going to get my picture on the cover. Stones! Send 10 copies to my mother…

          Adores: 11
    • 2014 June 17
      Brer Fox permalink

      And, why am I standing outside in my jammies?

      Better than standing outside in your jellies.

      Adores: 4
  3. 2014 June 17
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    Besides, that wasn’t even an ottoman. It was a trashy step stool with that someone reupholstered with velvet sweatpants and leather fringe.

    Hussy.

    Adores: 8
  4. 2014 June 17
    One Moving Violation permalink

    *sits on love seat, gets comfortable*

    Well, lets see. I could put you in my storage unit. I have one of those you know. The problem is the winters here. with all of the snow, spring run-off might seep under the door and you might get wet. Then you might get moldy or mildewed.
    I could send you to a relative of mine. He is always replacing his furniture because it breaks. His immediate family and friends are really hard on furniture. You may be headed or the curb in about six months.
    I could sell you off… er rehome you for some rehoming cash on craigslist. Would you like that? Maybe you’ll wind up with some lonely person who doesn’t have anyone to love. I know you don’t like it when “loving” is done on you. And you’re such a good listener too. Maybe you’ll end up with a stockbroker and you can call me with some inside information. Hey, that’s a good idea. I’ll go put you in a craigslist ad.

    Adores: 2
  5. 2014 June 17
    Brer Fox permalink

    You know, it’s not a good idea to have furniture with two cousions in your house. All kinds of hanky panky could start going on. Unless you live in the south that is.

    Adores: 2
  6. 2014 June 17

    It sounds like an improvement over the settee that claimed to love me but never listened to a word I said.

    Adores: 2
  7. 2014 June 17
    HamCan permalink

    5 Foot Maroon is my Prince cover band.

    Adores: 16
  8. 2014 June 17

    My sense of time is all off! So here’s the Monday box-emptying post: C”one”J, Ralph, and C”two”J, Punchity Punch Punch! That has to last you for a whole week!

    Good Morning, Willing Slaves!

    Adores: 2
    • 2014 June 17
      nojazzhere permalink

      I had one of these once, only the guy I bought it from said it was a catamaroon….took it out sailing once….ONCE.

      Is Sparky willing to listen to OBOES ?????

      Adores: 4
  9. 2014 June 17
    Dan permalink

    So, yeah… we’re in Europe right now, and we have no idea what day it is. Next post will be Friday. Or maybe Thursday. But we should be back to normal next week. Week after, tops.

    Adores: 10
    • 2014 June 18

      Dan, I really need you to define “normal”. Is that African or European?

      Adores: 5
      • 2014 June 19
        CapnMac permalink

        And no repressing the anarcho-syndicalists with the violence inherent in the system . . .

        Adores: 1
  10. 2014 June 17
    SilvaNoir permalink

    I saw the X-Men movie and have no impulse to see The Fault in Our Stars, so maybe this furniture and I would get along?

    Adores: 3
    • 2014 June 18
      SilvaNoir permalink

      Though I draw the line at invading other countries.

      Adores: 4
      • 2014 June 19
        CapnMac permalink

        You say this now, but after some moist bint invests supreme executive power in you by lobbing scimitars your way, you are then faced with the sorts of difficult decisions that position requires.

        Adores: 0
  11. 2014 June 23
    Paul F permalink

    “Ford? I think I’m a sofa..”

    Adores: 2

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