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2014 October 10

Demo guys needed commercial


Demo guys
I’m looking for demo guys that kill themselves no posers I’m only looking for the 1% 0f guys that give you 10 hrs work in a 8 hr day this is what I need .Do not bullshit me you will be fired the first day
I am looking for the guys that want to work not feed a habit if you cannot lift at least 80 lbs on a regular basis beat it I’m sick of guys that say they can work and bitch and moan fuck you my team works hard and is a close nit bunch If you talk to much this crew is not for you we don’t speak we work no fat guys no drugs no bullshit drama with I don’t have a ride don’t have a hard hat don’t have boots fuck off this is real world if you want it work for it good … it will not be handed to you this is the military type job if you think you got what it takes reply

I think I see why you have such a high turnover problem here, Sparky McBossypants. If you keep hiring guys that kill themselves, that may be why they don’t last too long in your “close nit bunch.” Or they may just not like all the nits. Plus, you have to spend so much time picking the nits. Do I want the lime nit, or the grape nit? Picking is hard. I prefer military type jobs, where I just get told which nits I want to pick.

Thanks for the ad, some guy!

28 Responses leave one →
  1. 2014 October 10

    Submit résumé and cover letter to Sparky McSparkerson Demolition Company and Motivational Speakers’ Bureau.

    Adores: 1
  2. 2014 October 10
    camille permalink

    You can sort of see why Sparky McBossypants’s previous job in sales didn’t work out.

    Adores: 2
  3. 2014 October 10

    Homicidal-y Yours,

    Tooler McKillerson, President
    KW, LLC

    Disclaimer: Should you be chosen, Kitten Wranglers (a limited liability corporation) accepts no responsibility for the following: an overdose of fluffy-wuffiness, the inability to speak anything other than baby talk, and death from cute.

    Adores: 5
    • 2014 October 10
      nojazzhere permalink

      And this ad was posted AFTER Sparky took the Dale Carnegie course…..imagine the bunch of nits he had to hire before he learned to be so diplomatic and empathetic.

      Adores: 3
  4. 2014 October 10
    Ralph permalink

    It’s bard to demonstrate all that killing yourself all day long if you can’t bitch and moan. I prefer melodrama.

    And where are you going to find nits that can lift 80 pounds — Fukushima?

    Adores: 2
    • 2014 October 10
      Nina Chow permalink

      That was my first thought, I really want to see the nit that can lift 80 pounds. And then my second thought was maybe not really, maybe just a picture, that sounds pretty frightening.

      Adores: 1
  5. 2014 October 10
    Carl permalink

    If you add in punctuation, some of it sounds poetic.

    “We don’t speak, we work.”

    Adores: 2
  6. 2014 October 10
    Windrose permalink

    Note: To atract the very best employees, put Fuck in the ad as often as possible. Clearly state what you don’t want, not the requirements for the job. Ask Poncho Moose about Nit Wrangling.

    Adores: 3
    • 2014 October 19
      LurkRealClose permalink

      The lice have a complaint. Lice are not nits. Nor are they nit-wits. They are perfectly well-behaved lice. They will not, however, work for 10 hours in an 8 hour day, as they can do basic math. Also they have no ride, no hard hats, and cannot lift 80 pounds. They do have work boots. Tiny, tiny work boots. So they don’t drop anything on their tiny toes as they wonder around the poncho.

      Adores: 1
  7. 2014 October 10
    Windrose permalink

    Dave, ferrets. The door is open. Go out there and get a job! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, close nit commentariate!

    Adores: 1
  8. 2014 October 10
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Close Nit Bunch is the name of my all Flea Red Hot Chili Peppers cover band.

    Adores: 2
  9. 2014 October 10

    Look at the BOX, people! It’s been like a year since we had someone BRAND NEW get in there! Good work, Ninja Chow. You must be one of those guys that kill themselves. 8)

    Adores: 2
    • 2014 October 10
      Nina Chow permalink

      So does this mean it is acceptance speech time? I’d like to thank Sparky and Sparky and Sparky and… It wouldn’t have been possible without you (to mock and make fun of).

      Adores: 4
  10. 2014 October 10
    Bridgete permalink

    This guy is real nit-picky, huh?

    Adores: 1
  11. 2014 October 10
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    Necromancy Contractors, LLC: We’ll literally kill ourselves to get your job done right.

    Adores: 3
  12. 2014 October 10
    Bridgete permalink

    Wait! I know what it is.

    They kill themselves working.

    They don’t talk much.

    He only hires zomb

    Adores: 3
  13. 2014 October 10

    If they’re demo guys, surely that means they’re for display purposes only? If you have to be that tough just to be the demo guy, think how tough you’d have to be to actually do the job. You’d have to be Jean Claude van Damme. Or Steven Seagal, before he got old and could only fight sitting down.

    Adores: 4
  14. 2014 October 10
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    no bullshit drama with I don’t have a ride don’t have a hard hat don’t have boots fuck off this is real world

    Do they have to be steel toe boots? I think I just figured it out.

    Adores: 1
  15. 2014 October 10
    Nina Chow permalink

    Yippee! I’m in the box! (jumps up and down)

    Adores: 3
    • 2014 October 10
      nojazzhere permalink

      Just don’t get too comfortable in there….this crowd can be pretty fickle. (I give it about the weekend)

      …and is it “Nina” or “Ninja”???? The Cap’n needs to know…..

      Adores: 3
      • 2014 October 10
        Ninja Chow permalink

        Oops, stupid fingers today, tell the Cap’n it is definitely ninja, why would a chow want to be a Nina?

        Adores: 3
        • 2014 October 10
          Dan permalink

          I thought ninja chow was the kibble you FED your pet ninja.

          Adores: 5
        • 2014 October 10
          Ninja Chow permalink

          Well now I want a pet ninja.

          Adores: 3
        • 2014 October 10
          Windrose permalink

          I’m sorry, from now on you WILL be Nina. 8)

          Adores: 1
        • 2014 October 10
          Ninja Chow permalink

          Nina the ninja chow? ??

          Adores: 1
        • 2014 October 10

          Nina, ninja ballerina,
          She creeps unseen on the dancing floor.
          This is the job post she’s waited for.
          Doesn’t feed a habit,
          Doesn’t feed a habit.

          Adores: 2
        • 2014 October 11
          nojazzhere permalink

          I never can remember….is it “feed a habit, starve a ninja” ? or “feed a ninja, starve a habit” ?…

          Adores: 0
        • 2014 October 13
          Brer Fox permalink

          Bless a ninja, wear a habit…

          Um , I mean , never mind, nothing to see here, move along.

          Adores: 2

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