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2010 November 17

YSaC has a bit of a history with French Provincial furniture. A long, sordid history. First there was French Prudential. Then there was French Prevential. And now? Now, all bets are off.

French Provential Nightstand

Frech Provential Dresser – $45

Wall Clock – French Provisional 24″ – $15

OVERSIZED FRENCH PROVINCHIAL COUCH WITH MAPLE COLOR LEGS

Gorgeous French Provinchial Coffee and two End Tables

Vintage French Proventional — Four Poster / Canopy Twin Bedroom set – $500

Large French proventional chest – $65

Marble-top Coffee-tables French Provential – $100
BENCH – French Provenical, Carved, Rye Two Seater – $395
Furniture”””Armwar””””” – $175

Hooray, this counts as a bonus armwar post, too!

Thanks to Raundi, William, Amanda, Slavena, Joanne, and our own Astrognash.

213 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 November 17
    Lola permalink

    ”””Armwar”””””

    All of those extra quotes make the punctuation-related part of my brain cry.

    In unrelated news, I am delighted to see that the GoogleAdSense ad in the upper right corner, after yesterday’s Beesmas discussion, is featuring http://www.WorldofBeekeeping.com. I love it!

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 November 17
      Addicted Reader permalink

      It’s like the poster knew it was wrong but couldn’t bother to look it up.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 November 17
        Lola permalink

        Or didn’t know how to look it up.
        “I know this isn’t the right spellin’, but it’s a furrin word, and I dunno how to spell it to look up the spellin’!”

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 17
          Addicted Reader permalink

          That did always bother me – how do I look up something I can’t spell? But these days with Google and spellcheck it’s easier. So no excuse any more.

          Adores: 3
    • 2010 November 17
      mudslicker permalink

      I think it would read much better like this…..ARMWAR!!!! ARMWAR!!!! ARMWAR!!!! ARMWAR!!!! ARMWAR!!!! ARMWAR!!!! ARMWAR!!!! ARMWAR!!!! ARMWAR!!!! ARMWAR!!!! ARMWAR!!!! ARMWAR!!!! ARMWAR!!!! ARMWAR!!!!

      Sure beats those Stop signs where some crazy-kooky activist has spray painted W – A – R at the bottom of the sign.

      Now if I could only find an Arm sign ‘cuz I’m already shaking the ball in my can of flat black….oh, yeah….

      p.s. Thanks bunches for giving us back our doors!!!!

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 November 17

        Amrwar, Huh!
        Good God Y’all!
        What is it good for?
        Putting your feet on!

        Adores: 16
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          Edwin Starr you ain’t.

          ??

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17
          sarajean80 permalink

          What is an “amrwar”?

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 17

          And before we get some coreys in here telling me that it’s the Ottoman that you put your feet on, let me tell you this!

          PFFFT!

          EDIT: Well crap.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 November 17
          sarajean80 permalink

          Only TypoMagic could manage to misspell a misspelling.

          :two thumbs up:

          Way to raise the bar, TM!

          Adores: 13
        • 2010 November 17
          Lola permalink

          [corey huff] It’s an ottum, not an Amrwar, TypoMagic! [/corey huff]

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 November 17
          Innana permalink

          Another reminiscence: Armwar is not good for children and other living things.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          @Innana: Make leglove not armwar…?

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 November 17

          Nice MST3K feference there Inna.

          *Thumbsup*

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17
          Meej permalink

          @mudsy Don’t let HamCan hear that…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          @Meej: I certainly hope that Hammy can’t hear anything that I’m saying. Now reading something…that’s a different story. Should I blindfold him?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17

          Stop mumbling and speak clearly into the bug…I mean, nope can’t hear a darn thing.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 17
          CapnMac permalink

          What is an “amrwar”?

          It’s like a thumbwar, only with more sweaty unwashed types with mullets and a frightening quantity of cut-price near-beer . . .

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 November 17

        ARMWAR was escalation of the great THUMB WRESTLING WAR of 1892, finally culminating in WORLD WAR KNEE in 1905, more then 350,000 patellas were either killed or wounded.

        Adores: 22
        • 2010 November 17

          Lend me your ears, it’s a call to arms!

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          I believe that the Battle of the Rotator Cuff brought with it more casualties . One somber morning, 425,000 Tendons got cut off at Shoulder Creek by a relatively small platoon of Deltoids—and immediately knew they were done for.

          Thank goodness the Scapula Act of 1901 brought peace between the Tendons and the Deltoids for a brief 4 years. It was signed onsite at the Funny Bone Battleground by Generals Humerus and Austere. This conflict was definitely nothing to be laughed at.

          Adores: 14
        • 2010 November 17
          Windrose permalink

          Hammy, welcome back! You were in the box yesterday, that’s why your eye is hurting.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          1
          2
          3
          4
          I declare a thumb war!

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 November 17
          EclecticBlue permalink

          5
          6
          7
          8
          Who do we appreciate?

          …oh wait…

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 November 17
          Windrose permalink

          EB, I am so happy I finished swallowing before reading that! 8)

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 17
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I tried to find a cheer to respond to that (something along the lines of S P I T T A K E S Gooooooooo Spit-takes!), but my brain melted after looking at two pages of cheers. I need to go flip through my illustrated medical dictionary or something….

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 November 17
      Windrose permalink

      Lola, I’m getting furniture ads, but they are smart enough to just call the style French, and leave it at that. 8)

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 November 17
        Lola permalink

        Yeah, I saw those, too. At least it’s not “Frech” or “Frensh” (which I see advertised as a type of manicure in my neighborhood).

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17
          christina permalink

          Lola, I’ve experienced the Frensh manicure. That’s when the nail tech accidentally grabs the can of disinfectant instead of the rapid dry.

          Adores: 4
  2. 2010 November 17
    christina permalink

    What, no pervential? I guess Hammy and Gramps won’t have a place to sit today.

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 November 17

      Perven:

      An assembly or band of 13 pervers.

      Adores: 12
      • 2010 November 17

        It’s like Band of Brothers for Gramps, Ham, and I.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 November 17

          We just need ten more, perhaps an ad on Craigslist?

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 17

          Do you like to memorize the purses of those who pass by the coffee shop?
          Do you like shoulder knees more than anything else?
          Can you hide in a bush for hours without moving?
          Do you have a collection of hairbrushes that you talk to?
          Do you have at least one jar full of toenail clippings?

          Well then… you know what, no. Even Band of Pervers has standards. Go away silly person.

          Adores: 24
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          I think Bombdude definitely meets your “strict” qualifications to become a member of your Perven. I motion for his nomination!

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 17
          Windrose permalink

          And so vote I. All in favor?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17
          Tankerbell permalink

          Aye

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 17
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          Definitely

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17
          Stephanae permalink

          Bombdude has my vote, too. I’d like to be the token female member of the perven. Any chance you could waive the toenail clippings requirement?

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          Count me in as well! I’ve got definite “perven tendencies”….

          I’ll give you belly button lint!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17
          sarajean80 permalink

          :raises hand:

          Question – Can a jar of toes be considered toenail clippings with the toes still attached?

          Adores: 14
        • 2010 November 17
          CapnMac permalink

          Ten more would make a Squad, and I could demonstrate all of my Squad Leader skills I haven’t much used since the mid 80’s . . .

          Oh, and I’m old-fashioned about the TOE, so the Team Leaders will be Grenadiers–which also means you get the cooler vest, and not having to hump any MG ammo, call for “dibs” now!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17

          The Squad of Squickiness?

          The Platoon of Pervers?

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 17
          Moira permalink

          I call dibs for the cool vest but, um, is it okay if I fraternize?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17
          CapnMac permalink

          Well, you’ll need a note from your spouse, we presume

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 November 17
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Wow! This is turning out much better than I initially envisioned. Great job Typo and Hammy. So far we’ve got Mudsy, Stephanae, Moira, and SaraJean signed up. I’d guess that HHNF might fit right in also. Capn, can Stephanae’s uniform be the standard for the females?

          Also, congratulations Bombdude for achieving such rapid success in joining the likes of Hammy and Typo. I am truly honored to be included in such an elite grope group.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 November 17
          CapnMac permalink

          Well considering that Stephanae has already worn a uniform in our nation’s service, it might depend on which one.
          Otherwise it turns into the sort of photo we get if we don’t check with my adjuncts and the AF utilities do not look like the Army’s and the CG does not look like us or the MC . . .

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 November 17
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Ah, gee Capn – I was really referring to the uniform in her avatar. I have great respect for the men and women who have worn a uniform in service to the country, but thought the belly-dancing uniform would be more appropriate for the Corps de Pervy female members.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17
          CapnMac permalink

          Well, yeah, got that. But, it can be tough to insist that anyone who has lived on MRE wear anything they don’t want to . . .

          Stephanae shows up looking like she stepped out of a Boris Vallejo painting, I’m just handing her the M203 combo and a gimme bag of marker rounds. Oh, and making sure I go back to the rear with the gear, the better to liase with you people in close contact.

          Watch: **jedi hand motions**That was not the Commander you were looking for; he is only a voice on the satcomm . . .

          Adores: 2
  3. 2010 November 17

    Little Posts,
    Little awful posts,
    Every one,
    Like we’ve seen before.
    Littls posts,
    Full of little mistakes,
    Trying hard to speel…

    There goes sparky with his free red table,
    It’s a good price that he’ll sell,
    Every posting is the same,
    Since he hasn’t got a brain,
    And Sells French Proventional Chests.

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 November 17

      been drinking your French Provinchial Coffee today?

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 November 17

        Long night with the cranky one. I had a doubleshot French Povintionial espresso.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17
          Tankerbell permalink

          I think of him every time I see an ad for the new Tron movie.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 17

          I wonder if it’s contagious… Maybe Tron and Mini got together and said:

          “Hey… Here’s an idea…. Let’s scream forever before we decide to sleep, and then wake up at random intervals while our moms and dads are sleeping and SCREAM BLOODY MURDER.”

          “That sounds great!”*

          *Translated from jibberdyjabberwocky

          Adores: 6
  4. 2010 November 17
    Innana permalink

    Hey,hey, hey!!! I’m in the magic box!

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 November 17
      Foil permalink

      Of course you are. You’re the best.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 November 17

        Foil, you missed the perfect opportunity to use a pun and mention “breast” at the same time.

        Have you learned* nothing from us!

        *A relative term.

        Hehe, boobies.

        *Runs away*

        Adores: 8
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          I thought it was shoulders-knees?

          Geez…I can’t keep up with you guys. One thing is for sure, it always makes its way back to bewbies.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 17
          Innana permalink

          Ah, Typo, there is another image of Myself from Turkey with about 25 shoulder-knees on My Body. I started to use it for an avatar, but thought it would make some minds explode. Maybe some day.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          If it’s breasts they want, I suggest perhaps the goddess Artemis from Ephesus. She’s got plenty to go around. Talk about some ‘splodin!

          ??

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17

          25 shoulder-knees? How’d you manage that one?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17
          25 Shoulder-knees permalink

          Trying, just this once, for the multi-knee avatar.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17
          Moira permalink

          Just looks like a fancy shirt to me at that size.

          Why 25? Aren’t shoulder-knees always paired?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17
          sarajean80 permalink

          Wow, that is quite mammarific.

          Looks like they would start losing some of their allure once it looks like you are just wearing a very odd bobble-knit sweater.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          Nice one Innana! Looks like Artemis could use a Hanes Her Way in Just Her Size.

          C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup
          C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup C-cup

          *looks like I’ve got the c-cups*

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 November 17

          Why 25? Aren’t shoulder-knees always paired?

          Yeah, quit being stingy and let us have a look at the other half!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17
          sarajean80 permalink

          They should use that super-secret gene splicing technology to make a chicken with 25 shoulder-knees.

          That would be one funny looking bird.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 17
          25 Shoulder-knees permalink

          Just think what a pain the annual mammogram would be….

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 17
          sarajean80 permalink

          Ouch. It would take like four days to get through them all and you probably would have cancer from all the X-rays by the end of it.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 17
          CapnMac permalink

          Why 25? Aren’t shoulder-knees always paired?

          You are asking “why” about Sumerian deities?
          That’s like asking Zuhl why the 3rd form of the Destructor was a Torgh

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 November 17
          Moira permalink

          You are asking “why” about Sumerian deities?

          Yes, I am asking “why”…
          The answer may be as simple as “that’s when this artist got bored with bewbs” or it may be along the lines of “25 is a magic number relating to this and that and such and so” or it may be “well, she had 26 but lost one in the myth where…”

          See, the answer has the *potential* to be somewhat fascinating.

          Or the Sumerians simply kinda sucked at anatomy.

          Adores: 4
    • 2010 November 17
      Windrose permalink

      Innana, you are the bees’ shoulder-knees!

      Adores: 5
  5. 2010 November 17

    That last one is my fav….looks like the poster is describing a sammich, French provenical on carved rye. Yummy.

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 November 17

      Now I want lunch from Au Bon Pain

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 November 17
        LimeLolly permalink

        I’m waiting on the ones that are proven?al.

        Today is Italian Day…… somewhere.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 17
          Stephanae permalink

          LL, it probably ruins the joke if you have to explain it, but I don’t get it. What does proven?al have to do with Italy?

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 17
          LimeLolly permalink

          Absolutely… nothing.

          Apparently, I was hungry and since there was leftover spaghetti in the fridge, I was planning on having that for breakfast. Somewhere between France and Italy, my brain disconnected and the belly took over.

          … cold spaghetti… yum!

          Sorry about the confusion. Guess it’s time for another drug checkup.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 17
          CapnMac permalink

          Well, it could be Ni?oise “funriture” but one supposes it would need olive to go with the rye . . .

          Adores: 1
  6. 2010 November 17
    Camille permalink

    If the wall clock really serves French provisions, I’ll take two. One for home and one for office. You never know when you might need some Brie and a little grainy mustard.

    I also like that the “coffee-tables” are “French Provential,” but the bench – IN THE SAME AD – is “French Provenical.” Like, from French Provenica. Whereas the tables made of coffee are from an entirely different place, French Provent.

    Adores: 11
    • 2010 November 17
      Camille permalink

      Oops, I made practically the same joke the last time we discussed French provisional. Apparently I have a limited repertoire, or at least a fondness for Brie.

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 November 17
        Lola permalink

        A fondness for Brie is understandable. Even an inordinate fondness, such as I have.

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 17
          Moira permalink

          Can such a fondness even be considered “inordinate”? I would argue that it could not.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 17
          sarajean80 permalink

          How would it rate on the Y-BOCS?

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 November 17
        CapnMac permalink

        While Brie is good, it’s only a double-cream; for serious divine one wants a triple-cream, almost as soft as butter, too.

        Aside, y’know French Army provisions include vin ordinare–largely held to be quite awful stuff fit only as a cleaning solvent by our Gaulic frères d’armes; but better than non vin at all.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 November 17
          Moira permalink

          Cappy, when it comes to cheese, it’s all divine. There are days when I want nothing fancier than a good hunk of sharp cheddar, some sourdough bread and a beer; other days, a fondue with a variety of dippers; then again, a quesadilla with a smear of guac and sour cream; a super-smelly roquefort with mead; blue cheese, crumbled into field greens with pralined pecans and dried cranberries; goat cheese, blended with paprika and anchovy on crackers; quiches with chicken and chili, or mushroom and onion, or … apples…

          If I had to give up either cheese or chocolate, I’m not sure which I would choose.

          Edited to add… CHEESECAKE!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 18
          Lola permalink

          Stop, Maura! You’re torturing me!
          All of that sounds *amazing*.
          In my house, having no cheese is considered a tragedy and emergency situation to be rectified at the nearest opportunity.

          Adores: 1
  7. 2010 November 17
    Meej permalink

    I’d like a nice slice of the Gorgeous French Provinchial Coffee, please. That sounds really good this morning.

    Adores: 4
  8. 2010 November 17
    Meej permalink

    Waitaminit – in that second ad – “Frech”?

    Is that like “fresh dresser,” as in the dresser’s not at all spoiled, or like “lech dresser” as in the sort of person you might not want to have helping you put on clothes?

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 November 17
      Camille permalink

      Don’t get frech with me, young dresser.

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 November 17
        25 Shoulder-knees permalink

        Frech is the noise my cat makes when he has a furball.

        Adores: 6
    • 2010 November 17
      CapnMac permalink

      Ok, French + Lech, or Frech, just conjoured up a skeevy mime with boundary and contact issues . . .

      And may become my term-of-art for TSA “search technicians” . . .

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 November 17
      mudslicker permalink

      Oh BTW. Congrats on making the box yesterday, Hammy. I hope you have a note from your doctor explaining why you were absent.

      *thumb punchity punch*

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 November 17

        Dear YSaC,

        Hammy was sick yesterday, as that is nothing new I have given him a whole pad of undated excuse forms for him to fill in as necessary.

        Signed,

        Dr. Kevorkian

        Adores: 9
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          Funny, I was expecting something from Dr. Phil.

          *I’d pay particular attention to the “expiration” date on those excuse forms you got from Dr. K.*

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17

          Well, originally I had excuses from Jerry Springer but no one took them seriously…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          That’s because he kept signing them J.S. and it looked like “Jesus”…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17

          Same thing…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          It’s all so crystal clear as to why no one took them seriously now.

          *handing Hammy a white jacket with long sleeves and sparkly buckles*

          “Here, slip this on.”

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17

          Thanks but I don’t think I can wear two…

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          Then I’ll get you the pants to go with it.

          ??

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17

          I might need help with the zipper…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          You might regret mentioning that….. hehe….

          Adores: 2
  9. 2010 November 17
    Mindfield permalink

    The Unofficial YSaC Song
    (With apologies to George Gershwin)

    Things have come to a petty pass
    Your spelling is growing flat
    For you type tihs and teh ohter
    While I type it this and that
    Goodness knows where the dictionary is
    Oh, I do know where it’s at
    It looks as if you’ll never find one
    So snarking must be done:

    You say prudential, and I say provincial
    You say hexagon and I say octagon
    Prudential, provincial
    Hexagon, octagon
    You just suck at Craigslist!

    You say it’s armwar, and I say it’s armoire
    You say weal barro, and I say wheelbarrow
    Armwar, armoire
    Weal barro, wheelbarrow
    You just suck at Craigslist!

    But oh, if you suck at Craigslist, then we must snark
    And oh, how we love to snark, it just might break your heart

    So if you’ve got a three-sided rectangle table
    An dresser of Chester’s, a ball of sorrond wrap
    For we know you need some glasses
    ‘Cos it makes you suck at Craigslist
    Boy, you suck at Craigslist!

    If you’ve got a lion that’s really a tiger
    Then we’ll make a meme saying it’s not.a.lion
    Lions and tigers
    And free bees, oh, my!
    You just suck at Craigslist!

    Bea Arthur’s standee or cardboard Mike Jacksons
    You’ve got one for $50, or three for $200
    Bea Arthur, Mike Jackson
    For $50, $200
    You just suck at Craigslist!

    But oh, if you suck at Craigslist, then we must snark
    And oh, how we love to snark, it just might break your heart

    So pray to the Llama-Nun (bees be upon her)
    That you have the sense to take sensible pictures
    For we know you need some glasses
    ‘Cos they’re blurry half-lit obscurity
    Boy, you suck at Craigslist!

    You’ve got some free bricks, just come in and take ’em
    Some yard work our kids would just love to partake in
    A free truck for $50
    These chikens are nifty
    You just suck at Craigslist!

    Roofer, roofer, roofer, roofer
    Roofer, roofer, roofer, roofer
    Roofer! Roofer!
    Roofer! Roofer!
    You just suck at Craigslist!

    You fixee de bikesss and you rent pigs for pig roasts
    You’re two tents, you need to relax, shoot some old boats
    For we know you need some glasses
    ‘Cos it makes you suck at Craigslist!
    Man, you suck at Craigslist!

    Adores: 31
    • 2010 November 17
      Camille permalink

      Many doors for the faux Gershwin.

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 November 17
      Artsy Computer Geek permalink

      Bravo

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 November 17
      Innana permalink

      This is the time we really should be glad we have an adore button!!

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 November 17
      mudslicker permalink

      I thought that said George Carlin and was like, what?…the?…..

      *wiping off the screen*

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 November 17

        Many doors are heading your way, Frighteningly-Happy-Puppy.

        And mudsy…your *wiping off the screen* is contagious.

        Adores: 3
      • 2010 November 17
        Grampdaddy permalink

        I thought ‘George Carlin’ also and immediately thought of his famous bit on “The 7 words you can spell correctly on CL”. I believe they are “I”, “a”, “MfW”, “free”, “OBO” and… umm… maybe there aren’t two more.

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 November 17
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Many many doors.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 November 17
      kelli permalink

      Well done.

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 November 18
      tigprincess permalink

      @Mindfield – I’m trying to give you a door but the counter is stuck on 24 with no +!!! So from me five trilliion gazillioon doors …. we are not worthy

      Adores: 0
  10. 2010 November 17
    Yancy permalink

    The final post offers both Provential and Provenical, both lesser-known furniture designs by a company that tried to make a name for itself in the knockoff market. Provential was released during the third quarter of the last fiscal year of the company known as Frenchique Furniture, whose motto was “we kinda look like the good stuff.” Provenical was only available for the last two weeks of the fourth quarter. It was such a dismal failure that it resulted in the collapse of Frenchique. Provential did poorly because it was the first emergence of particle board techn0logy, making it less convincing as a knockoff. In cost-cutting efforts, Frenchique changed to a cheaper glue that didn’t hold the particle together; thus leading to the collapse of several nearly-noble customers’ furniture, and therefore, the company.

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 November 17
      Lola permalink

      +kabillion doors for “Frenchique.” I think some of those people-with-more-money-than-taste on those “housewives” shows shop there.

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 November 17
        mudslicker permalink

        And here I thought Frenchique was some sort of explosive that only blows up French things.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 November 17

          That’s about what I was thinking with that one, too :-p

          …Or maybe it’s an explosive that decides not to blow up, and rolls away instead?

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 17
          Lola permalink

          I wish.

          Conversely, it may also be a French product that blows things up … although, based on France’s experience in the last two world wars, it probably just surrenders to them instead. (Note: I actually like French people, it’s a joke.)

          Edit: EB, we appear to be thinking along the same Maginot Line here.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 17
          Lola permalink

          Or:
          *pause to wave goodbye to the line*
          Considering that “French” is a euphemism for a type of sexual contact, perhaps Frenchique blows … but not up.

          *puts self in corner*

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          I thought you wrote “Maggot Line”

          *wipes monitor AGAIN*

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17

          Mudsy, you might want to try something like RainX on the monitor…

          YSaC Starter Kit*:
          Coffee Slice kit with recipe
          Typing mugs
          Monitor RainX
          Library-style plastic keyboard cover
          Sticky notes reminding you to not drink and comment
          MP3 player preloaded with obscure and/or older music
          Lion Not.A.Lion t-shirt

          *Computer, internet connection, and snarkiness not included

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          Thank you EB! I just hope Homeland Security doesn’t get a gander at my “shopping” list.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17
          CapnMac permalink

          Explosive Frenchique is a highly volitile, but low-order detonation compound. It’s highly unstable, especially without its beret. It can detonate at the least obvious initiations, but the detonation is largely garlic fumes and Galoise smoke. However, the effects of that detonation may be long lasting, fueled by many tiny cups of coffee and large quantities or Pernod, with a great deal of gesticulation and rhetoric, only interrupted if the riots in the lower quarters spill out into fashionable districs and Renault are set afire.

          It is a non-malleable (but potentially groping) compound of considerable tare weight which is often hydrophobic despite having a Specific Gravity greater than one. It needs no booster for detonation, but accelerants and multiple primers may be required for willful detonation on demand.

          Material Safety: Is Caustic; and Flamable; and can cause illness and contagion–especially if the free brandy was of a low quality.

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 November 17

          You forgot about the inhalation hazards :-p

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          I prefer to call it Freedomique.

          If we don’t…then the terrorists have won!

          Adores: 12
        • 2010 November 17
          CapnMac permalink

          Dang it, I knew I should have pulled the MSDS instead to trying to wing it from memory.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          Just don’t mention any MREs….I haven’t eaten dinner yet and I don’t want to spoil my appetite.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17
          Grampdaddy permalink

          perhaps Frenchique blows … but not up.

          Sideways??

          That’s hard to swallow.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 November 18
          tigprincess permalink

          @ Muddy …Being British I’d pay gazilliooons of doubloons for something that only blew up the French. *Down Hammy … not in THAT way!*

          Adores: 2
  11. 2010 November 17

    I think the entire string of ads is the work of one drunken couple during a long weekend of soul-searching and furniture downsizing.

    “Mabel! How do you spell “french”?

    “French? Heck, that’s easy Earl, I thought you might have trouble spelling Provencial…erm..Prevent-y’all…uh…proventiol…or…whatever the hell this stuff is.”

    “Hell, woman, I ain’t stupid ya know. I can spell some things.”

    Earl proceeds to whack away at the keyboard with his patented TypoMagic Mugs until he’s finished with the last of the ads. Hitting the submit button with a flourish he yells over his shoulder….

    “Mabel! Reckon we shoulda told folks where all this fancy French furniture come from?”

    “Nah, Earl, let ’em think they’re getting somethin’ reeaaaaaall special.”

    “Uh, Mabel, where did we get all this stuff anyways?”

    “IKEA was havin’ a sale, Earl.”

    Adores: 6
  12. 2010 November 17
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    Dear Sir,

    I am interested in your French dresser, as I am making a salad. Please contact me before lunch.

    Adores: 11
    • 2010 November 17
      EclecticBlue permalink

      I always found French dressers to be too heavy, but I guess that depends on the salad. I tend to favor a nice raspberry vineagr8te.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 November 17
        mudslicker permalink

        I favor a nice Balsa-wood Vinnie-regret.

        It’s very light and perfect for the times when you’re not that into Italian.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 17

          Yah know, my cousin really likes that vinnie-regret. Says it blends, whatever that means.

          Adores: 5
      • 2010 November 17
        sarajean80 permalink

        I like a nice ranch when I get a house salad, but the last time they messed up my order and brought me a split-level with avacado shag carpeting and a sunken conversation pit. Talk about tasteless.

        Adores: 10
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          Ooooh…..that must have been the Brady Bunch Salad with a side order of Sexual Tension that you ordered. Was it plated on orange melamine?

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 November 17
          sarajean80 permalink

          Yep, with a tall frosty glass of Tang on the side.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          Did you say, “Thanks, Alice”…?

          I’d be torn between ordering that and the U.S.S. Enterprise Special—a bunch of nuts on top of a stellar salad and served on a metal plate. Only problem with that one is that the plate, every once in a while, shifts violently to the left and then to the right and then back again; knocking all the nuts to the floor.

          *”I cunna maik it stop, Captain!”*

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 November 17
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Chris Pine-nuts?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17

          (MMmmmm, Chris Pine…)

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          No, Pine Sol-nuts.

          *minty*

          Adores: 4
  13. 2010 November 17

    [Mini sent me a text message that he wanted me to pass along*:]

    Hghfhjzimjmdjmdjmd

    [*This is a true story. I got this text message from the phone of my friend who watches him during the day, and I transcribed it for you.]

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 November 17

      (Also, this is not the first time I’ve gotten a text message from Mini… Once, he even opened the messaging folder and texted me all by himself.)

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 November 17
        mudslicker permalink

        Thanks for the heads up. If we suddenly get bombed by Iran, I think we’ll know whom to investigate.

        *MiniEB says, “oopsy!”*

        ??

        Adores: 4
      • 2010 November 17
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        This would all be more impressive if mini-EB weren’t 27.

        Adores: 13
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          Hehe….

          Tell me he’s living in the basement and I’ve got an idea for a reality show on TLC….

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17
          Tankerbell permalink

          ROFL Bianchi

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 17

          What Tanker said!!

          *wipes tears*

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17

          Bwa-ha! That would actually be really impressive–I’ve never heard of anyone that gave birth to someone older than they are :-p

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 November 17
          Ben permalink

          Yes, I’ve never heard of that either.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 November 17
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Neener neener :-p

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 November 17
      mudslicker permalink

      We’ll forward it to TypoMagic.

      *hmmm…all those letters and only ONE vowel*

      8)

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 November 17
        sarajean80 permalink

        V w ls c st m r . V nn nd P t s d s .

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 17

          SJ, have you been disemvoweled?

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          *kick me cause I just read that as “Vowels cost more. Vanna and Pat said so.”*

          But that couldn’t be right!

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 17

          Oh my gosh, Mudsy, I think you’ve got it…

          …That was scary…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          I think I’m going crazy. Before you know it, I’ll be bringing in absentee excuses signed by Jerry Springer—aka Jesus.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 17

          Wow, that was right. Good job, mudsy!

          They should be bringing you your very own special white coat any second now. It’s like a hug you can wear!

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          I hope it’s made by the Snuggies people. I’d like mine in Not.A.Lion print.

          Adores: 7
    • 2010 November 17
      Tankerbell permalink

      I love EB’s posts. Always so thought-provoking.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 November 17
        mudslicker permalink

        I like to think of them more as eye-poking. I usually put on my sunglasses right before I decide to read them.

        8)

        Adores: 3
  14. 2010 November 17
    tigprincess permalink

    @Lola and others – I’m getting an advert for Adrian Flux – and quite frankly I do not want to ‘click here for Adrian Flux’. Why do I keep thinking its something suggestive and rude?
    However he could be the lead singer Adrian Flux and the French Pervertionals has a classy ring to it (Discuss)

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 November 17
      Lola permalink

      tigprincess: “I’m totally going to the 40 Watt tonight – Adrian Flux and the French Pervertionals are in town!”

      I think they do intentionally-bad/ironic pop in Franglais and have some other kind of performance-art component, which probably features nudity in some way.

      Or possibly: Adrian Flux is the brother to Aeon Flux.

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 November 17
        mudslicker permalink

        *Handing tig and Lola some Tums for their Adrian Flux*

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 November 17
          Astrognash permalink

          What about a Flux Capacitor?

          Adores: 3
  15. 2010 November 17
    Camille permalink

    I’m getting an ad for faux-French furniture. I thought the ads were usually a day behind the content.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 November 17

      I’m getting the same, but for yesterday’s ad I’m still getting the Kiva and Solar Energy stuffs.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 November 17
        Moira permalink

        Yesterday, the comments were all over the topic landscape. Today, the repeated words in the original post (and related comments) are still keeping Google AdSense from getting confused by our normal tangential subjects. Once we do manage to confuse it, it will again throw up its virtual hands in disgust and say, “Fine, Kiva it is. I have *no*clue* what you lot are interested in.”

        Adores: 8
        • 2010 November 17
          sarajean80 permalink

          I find it oddly satisfying that we can manage to so consistently confuzzle Google.

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 November 17

          Kiva Kiva Kiva Kiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva KivaKiva Kiva Kiva.

          That should fix it!

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          I’m still getting ads related to Whiney Poo….

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17

          I’m getting these seriously disturbing ads for a “Woombie”…have no idea it’s function, but it appears to be a device for binding a small child and preventing it from moving about.

          *shudder*

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 17

          At least it’s not ads for a woomba.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          Um, that would be duct tape….

          So much cheaper.

          What? *blink*

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 17
          Astrognash permalink

          Let’s see if I can successfully make Google go, “I’m going back to the 4chan forums and the cheezburger comments. You people are [guano] insane!”

          MUFFIN MUFFINS OF THE SWEATER SWEATER MUFFINS SWEATER HAMS SHOULDER KNEES BEWBIES BLUE FOOTED YELLOW RASCAL STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS BABBLING BROOK WANTS TO PLAY BARITONE AND SO DOES NASJERE AND I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT’S PRONOUNCED OH I SHOULDN’T TYPE IT PEOPLE MIGHT READ IT WRONG AND GET FUNNY IDEAS OF PEARLY WISDOM PEARS PEARS SPAM SPAM SPAM IN A CAN CAT IN A HAT IN A SOMBRERO IN A MEXICAN FILET OF LACAWATES VALTRUS-SUKA.

          If Google can display something relevant to that, then I quit.

          Adores: 8
    • 2010 November 17
      Tankerbell permalink

      I have some place called “the Foundary” selling apparently cheesy wrought iron-ish furniture. Clearly this is a targeted ad, because who but YSaC can fully appreciate the Sparkyesque speeling of the store name?

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 November 17
        mudslicker permalink

        They forgot the “i” after that “a”.

        “Look ma, we found out where all the cows keep hanging out!”

        Adores: 4
    • 2010 November 17
      EclecticBlue permalink

      Now I’m alternating between NexTag’s furniture, and holiday related ads (Swarovski crystal stuff as Christmas gifts [yes please!] and something about cooking turkey)…

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 November 17
        Moira permalink

        I am somewhat ashamed to say that I don’t …get… what is supposed to be so special about Swarovski.

        They are crystal, yes? Which means glass with a high lead content… with a brand name.

        ‘Splain please?

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17
          Camille permalink

          I think it’s pretty much the “ooh, shiny” factor.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 17

          Swarovski

          What the Russian said when he went on the wagon…

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 November 17
          Tankerbell permalink

          [bead corey]Swarovski is supposed to be cut more precisely than other, cheaper, crystal so it is shinier. In many cases (we’re talking beads here), that’s actually true. I usually mock people who care about name brands, but in this case Swarovski actually is better than knock-offs.[/bead corey]

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 November 18
          Moira permalink

          Ok.
          I shall probably still giggle about silica, lead and pigment but it makes more sense, now. Then again, it took me many years to understand the attraction of hard, unpigmented carbon… and then I saw the stone in my sister’s engagement ring and said, “so THAT is what the fuss is about.”

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 18
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Tankerbell: YES. I have probably a couple hundred dollars of Swarovski beads in my beading box that I’ve collected over the years, and in the various pieces of jewelry I’ve made. I’m usually not name-brander, wither, but in this cake, knock-offs just don’t shine nearly as brightly.[/bead matt]

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 November 18
          mudslicker permalink

          wither, but in this cake

          I would worry about the choking factor.

          *wither or knot*

          Adores: 1
  16. 2010 November 17
    sarajean80 permalink

    OT, but Yay me!

    Now I can slack off.

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 November 17
      mudslicker permalink

      *lighting a Yeasterday votive candle in anticipation of NaNoRhiNo month coming to an end*

      Good job sj!

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 November 17
        sarajean80 permalink

        :sniff-sniff:

        Mmmmm … Pumpernickel.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 17
          mudslicker permalink

          ‘Tis the smells of the season….

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 17

          Pumpernickel isn’t a seasoning, though it does have a distinct smell… I would call cinnamon or allspice more of a smell of the season ??

          Adores: 3
    • 2010 November 17

      Yeah, SJ!! Good luck or bees be upon you or merry mithras or happy festivus or whatever it is that one should bestow upon a person completing that nanoo-nanoo thingy.

      Adores: 7
    • 2010 November 17
      Moira permalink

      Great job!

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 November 17
      Tankerbell permalink

      Nicely done, SJ!

      On another note, I saw “municipal liaisons” on the NaNoWriMo menu and read “municipal lesbians”. Hmmm.

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 November 17
      Addicted Reader permalink

      Good job!

      Next question, of course, is show much of it makes sense?

      : )

      Adores: 0
  17. 2010 November 17
    Bavec permalink

    That, dear Sparkies (Sparkii?), is the sound of your spellcheckers dying. RIP. They put up a good fight.

    Adores: 5
  18. 2010 November 17
    Princess Buttercup permalink

    They never advertised the size of these French Provinchial things. I must have unusual sizes or they’ll never fit in the Cave of Despair.

    Adores: 5
  19. 2010 November 17
    Moira permalink

    One of these days, I will forget that it is actually French Provincial.*

    *(It is, isn’t it? Or have I lost it already?)

    Adores: 5
  20. 2010 November 17
    Windrose permalink

    Help! Where’s the YSaC Wiki? I thought there was a link in the fora! A good place for it would be in the FAQ page. 8)

    Adores: 1
  21. 2010 November 18
    christina permalink

    Cap ‘n, you get a door for mentioning Boris Vallejo, whose art I was inexplicably thinking about earlier.

    Adores: 0
  22. 2010 November 18
    christina permalink

    Ah Moira, I respectfully disagree. The plastic wrapped bricks of questionable dairy content, usually labeled Kraft or branded with the moniker of the supermarket, are not divine. Anything with a distinct rind, on the other hand, is the reason cows were created.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 November 18
      Moira permalink

      The plastic wrapped bricks of questionable dairy content, usually labeled Kraft or branded with the moniker of the supermarket, are not divine.

      I also believe they are not cheese.
      In fact, I seem to recall that a large number of them are actually “processed cheesefood.” It’s been a long, long time since I bought those to melt and mix with picante sauce, though.

      There’s a chicken place near my house that does cheese-covered fries. Some years back, they switched from actual cheese to orange “nacho” goo. After being subjected to that once, I made it a point to go in periodically, ask if they were using real cheese again yet, and walk out if they weren’t. I have no idea if my tactic actually made a difference but they did eventually swich back.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 November 18
        Lola permalink

        I’m thinking you weren’t the only one protesting the melted orange plastic (well? what else can one call it?).

        Years ago while working in a grocery store I discovered the product called “processed cheese food.” I always felt that this wording seemed to imply that it was something one fed to cheese, which kind of scared me …

        Adores: 1
  23. 2010 November 18
    Windrose permalink

    Innana, oh great Mother Goddess, here’s a very respectful Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’Night, Provence!

    Adores: 0
  24. 2010 November 19

    Alas, hidden amongst so many of his fine qualities, Mr. Eyebrows loves Velveeta. Gah!

    Edit: Should have been ^ there under the processed cheese discussion.

    Adores: 0
  25. 2010 November 23
    生き permalink

    I forgot the correct spelling now! ^^;

    Adores: 0

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